Mixed feelings

Posted by Jenni

The last few months have been an absolute roller coaster. I guess that’s what happens when you throw your whole life up in the air to see where it all lands!

Recently, as I get closer and closer to leaving I’ve been thinking about some of the things I’ve been feeling recently and why and how I’ve managed to keep going.

Relief – I’ve spent the last six months moving, decorating, packing, unpacking, stashing possessions and generally dismantling my life. The other week, I did my second car boot sale and stashed everything that was left in my parents loft. I now have just the contents of my room at my sister’s house – about half my clothes and the stuff I use every day (plus a few silly things that I can’t quite bring myself to parted from just yet). Finally, I don’t have to move or pack anything else – except, of course, my bags for the big adventure.

Exhaustion – But the relief is mixed with extreme tiredness. I have been on the go for nearly six months with barely a break. Even my amazing holiday to Annecy didn’t give me a break. I’m not complaining – it’s been fun (apart from the moving house bits) – but the other day I did find myself thinking longingly of the moment when I pick Bex up in north France and hand over the keys to the van and, temporarily, responsibility for looking after me for a few hours…

Frustration – because I can’t concentrate on anything, because my mind is always somewhere else (although that’s fairly normal), because I want to have finished work and be off adventuring already, because I still have a few last details to sort out and insurance companies are a massive pain to deal with, because there isn’t enough time to do everything and see everyone I want to before I go off, because, because, because…

Nostalgia – I know there are people and places I’m going to miss so much.

Tranquility – I’m confident that what I’m doing is the right thing, however it works out. By that, I don’t just mean the travelling, but also setting my life up in a way that offers so many possibilities. I don’t expect to come back to London and this way of life, but I also know that if it’s what I decided to do, there’s nothing to stop me.

Excitement – Well, of course! The next month is going to be epic! And then, hopefully, so is the one after that and the one after that! Who knows what adventures we have in store and how it will all turn out? And that only makes it better 😀

One thought on “Mixed feelings

  1. My motto is you just never know what’s waiting round the corner ….. My other is if you throw your life in the air, do something you’ve never done before and come out smiling, then you know you really can do anything. XXX

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